Engaging your employees requires providing developmental feedback. One can’t offer that feedback unless one has good listening skills. People often talk about the first two, but I emphasize the third level, which helps people feel like they have been heard and understood. Let’s review all:
Level I: Passive Listening. This is simply not talking while others speak. It’s foundational, but it’s seldom enough.
Level II: Active Listening. This suggests giving verbal and non-verbal clues that suggest that you understand what is being communicated. It includes doing the following:
- Removing distractions that interrupt.
- Keeping one’s self from interrupting.
- Taking notes as needed.
- Sorting out main ideas as they are heard.
- Giving verbal clues that suggest you are hearing what they are saying.
- Verifying key facts.
- Summarizing main messages.
Level III: Empathic Listening. This suggests giving verbal and non-verbal messages that suggest you truly understand how they feel. It is the highest form of listening and includes the following:
- Verifying feelings–and not just facts.
- Being positive and supportive about how they feel.
- Avoiding judgment and critical feedback.
- Providing empathic messages that suggests you feel the way they do.
- Hypothesizing around the idea that you would feel/respond the same way.
- Building rapport and common ground around their feelings.
- Continuing to listen until they feel heard.
Ask yourself:
- What is the difference between being heard but not listened to? How is that reflected with these various listening skills?
- How do you feel when someone has really empathized with you? How do you feel when one goes through the motions but still doesn’t seem to understand you?
As you go through the week, look for the opportunity to provide that level III empathic-style listening. Caution: Sometimes you have to really take the time to listen. Don’t be rushed. The reward comes when people feel better connected to you because you’ve taken the time to connect with them.
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